A Fish Out of Water in a Fishing Store

There is this very large store in our area called "Bass Pro Shops". It is mainly for hunters, fishermen, and all kinds of outdoor sports enthusiasts. They have boats, fishing equipment, hunting equipment, guns, knives, bows and arrows, clothing, and pretty much anything you can think of. They even have a large indoor aquarium of fresh water fish, such as bass, crappie, and catfish. There is an outdoor stream that fishermen can practice casting in. One year they had a retrieving contest for hunting dogs. There is also an indoor stream that has trout and ducks in it - and it's right inside the store.

It's a pretty interesting place to go and browse, even if you are not an outdoorsman. I used to bring my granddaughter there regularly so she could watch the fish in the large aquarium. For many years, she thought the name of the store was "The Big Fish Store" because I would ask her if she wanted to go see the big fish.

Inside the store, there is a separate department just for fly fishermen. I don't if you know this, but apparently, fly fishermen are the elite class of fishermen. No plain old rod and reel for these guys. No worms or minnows for bait. These guys use special little flies for lures. They come in all sizes from very teeny, tiny ones that are the size of real house flies to some larger ones that actually look like real mice. My son gave my husband a kit to learn how to tie fly fishing flies. It has all the special tools and supplies that you need to tie your own fly fishing flies. You've got your bobbin, your thread, your hackles, your marabou, your deer or elk hair, your chenille, your dubbing material, your hare's mask (don't ask), and my favorite, the hackle pliers. There was even a demo tape to show you how to tie these intricate little lures.

One day, I decided to try my hand at tying lures. Not that I was going fishing or anything, but I thought they would make good cat toys. I had seen some online and in a specialty cat store and that's where I got the idea. The kit came with various types of feathers and I had a friend who had given me some emu feathers. Now, the trick was figuring out how to use all the tools and how to get the feathers to stay on the "hook" substitute that I was going to use.

The first main hurdle was watching the demo tape. The newer kits come with a DVD, but this one had a VHS tape and we only had DVD players. I got the bright idea to go to Bass Pro Shops and see if they had a DVD equivalent of the demo tape. Surely, they had something like that or maybe a book or printed instructions. After all, how hard could this be?

I bravely walked into the fly fishing department and asked the older gentleman behind the counter if they had DVDs to teach you how to tie fly fishing lures. He smiled and said, "Why, of course we do. What type do you want to tie - bass, trout, salt water?" I said that I didn't actually need any particular kind of fish lure. I just wanted the basics of how to use the tools, etc. He kept insisting that he needed to know what kind of fish I was going after so he could suggest the right DVD. I told him, "Well, I'm not actually going to make fishing lures. I'm making cat toys." Suddenly, he stopped talking, got a horrified look on his face as if I had walked into church and blasphemed, and he said as nicely as he could, "Madam, fly tying is an ART. You can't just learn to do it overnight. You need to go to the craft store and get some cork or something if that's what you want to do." He might as well have patted me on the head and said, "Now, now, little lady." I mean, here was this woman in good ole boy territory, desecrating the sacred halls of fly fishing with her silly talk about cat toys. I managed to keep my cool, smile sweetly and explain that people actually sell these things for lots of money, but he wasn't buying it. I think he wanted to shoo me out, but he had regained his composure and probably thought I was a misguided little thing that just didn't understand the protocol.

We finally found an old VCR at home and played the demo tape. I at least knew what all the tools were and how to use them. Now, all I had to do was actually attempt to make my first cat toy. Instead of a hook, I used a cotter pin. It was going to work just fine. I made the first prototype and my cat, Dulci, absolutely went nuts. I'm not taking any credit for that. It was the emu feathers, straight from my friend's emus. But, I kept trying and actually got pretty good at getting different feathers, rabbit fur, or deer hair on the toys. They were starting to look like something that I intended to make instead of an accident.

I'm a glutton for punishment, I guess, because I kept going back to Bass Pro Shops and waited for more haughty looks from Mr. Fly Fisherman himself, but I didn't care. On my third or fourth trip, he came over to me and said, "You know, I thought of you the other day when we got in a new lure. Come over here. I'll bet your cats would love this one." So, I followed him over and he showed me a lure that was made just like a mouse - fur and all. I knew my particular cats wouldn't really care for it, but I bought it anyway. I didn't want to make him feel bad and I figured I was paving the way for me being able to go in there and not be laughed at. I could see that he was beginning to "come over to the dark side". I knew right then and there that I had him. Just like The Borg in Star Trek said: "Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated." He was mine now! I had smiled and been just helpless enough that I had hooked a rather big "catch of the day".

I have kept going back fairly regularly to see Mr. Fly Fisherman at Bass Pro Shops. On one particular day, before I could make it back to his department, I had to work my way around two men standing in the aisle discussing the benefits of having a pontoon boat. That was pretty normal, but I noticed that one of the men was propping himself up on his camouflaged crutches. I couldn't decide what was more strange - the camo crutches or the vision of the man hobbling out into the field to try to hunt. I managed to get passed them without an audible gasp. I was feeling lucky that day because I had brought two of my homemade cat toy lures with me. I know what you are thinking. Why would consciously put myself in that position. But, there was a feather that had come in the kit that I didn't know the name of and I thought I might want to buy some in the future. I knew if anyone could identify it, Mr. Fly Fisherman could. So, I walked in, smiled at him and told him I needed his help. I pulled out my two toys, asked him to please not laugh at me, and then asked him if he could identify the feather. He looked at both toys, and said the most amazing thing. He said, "You're getting really good at this. Keep it up. Good work." I almost fell over, but I thanked him. Then, he told me what the feather was. It's a black and white barred grizzly hackle. Go ahead, say that three times fast.

He took me over to where the grizzly hackles are normally kept, but the entire wall was empty. He said it was because of all the young girls having feathers woven into their hair. I saw my opening for another bonding experience. I said, "Well, I know what I am doing is not exactly what this department is meant for, but it's a heck of a lot closer to it than weaving feathers into your hair." For a brief moment, Mr. Fly Fisherman and I were in the same world - you might even say we were "buds". But, then the spell was broken and we went back to good old boy and little lady.

I picked out a few items for my new hobby, thanked him, and left the department to go pay for my purchases. On the way to the cash registers in Bass Pro Shops, you have to run the gauntlet of things to eat. They have old fashioned candy, nuts, corn nuts and other things someone might want to eat out in the woods or sitting in a boat on the water. Then my eyes landed on the piece de resistance. There before my very eyes, right next to the beef jerky, was a display of Moon Pies.

Unless you are from the South, you may not know what a Moon Pie is. The original Moon Pie is round, about three inches in diameter, and consists of a sandwich made of graham cracker type cookies with marshmallow in the center and covered in milk chocolate. It's like S'Mores, only not as fresh. But, the Moon Pie people have branched out. Several years ago, they came out with the Double Decker Moon Pie and the Mini Moon Pie. I don't care for the Double Decker because it messes up the cookie/marshmallow/chocolate ratio. The Mini is OK, and just about right for me. Now, they have come out with their new line of Mini Crunchy Moon Pies. There were two flavors - the Mint Crunchy and the Peanut Butter Crunchy. I couldn't resist the Mint Crunchy. It's like the red neck version of the Girl Scout Thin Mint cookie. The filling is not really marshmallow, but more of a cream. The cookie is not graham cracker consistency, but a crisp, crunchy cookie - hence the name. And, best of all, the chocolate covering is DARK chocolate, not milk chocolate. It had my name all over it. And, I might add, it proved to be pretty yummy.

So, I have decided, with all my trips to Bass Pro Shops, my dealings with Mr. Fly Fisherman, and my new epicurean delight, the Crunchy Mint Moon Pie, that the South will rise again. And, when it does, it will be on the backs of down to earth God-fearing people who still believe a nuclear family is one man, one woman, and a couple of kids. People will have good old fashioned manners and men will still open doors for ladies and ladies will smile and say "thank you". It will be a world where, whether you fish or hunt, you can still walk into Bass Pro Shops and be treated like a magnolia skinned flower of the Old South, and where honey still catches more flies (or, fly fishermen, as the case may be) than vinegar. Praise the Lord and pass the Moon Pies. You really can't get much better than that!